The Breath of the Ancestors- Nina Simone

I frequently catch the breath of the ancestors. Their words caress me gently, yet rock my foundation. Their wisdom guides me. Their passion inspires me. Their forgiveness heals me. It is in their honor that I share posts entitled 'The Breath of the Ancestors.

I have been feeling lonesome lately.

Perhaps, I began feeling this way some time ago, but it has gotten to me lately. I will admit, there are parts of my life that are absolutely amazing. But from time to time, I wish I had an intimate partner with whom I could share my life. 

Yes, I date. However, I find my dating pool to be full of 4 types of men. 1) Men who are in the closet, 2) Men who want a sexual relationship with no emotional ties, 2) Men who find me to be a better friend than partner, and 3) Men who are attracted to me sexually, and open to a relationship but feel I am "too great of a guy" to be with someone like them. 

It drives me crazy! I yearn for something balanced: a healthy sexual relationship with someone emotionally available who is willing to grow with me. The pain of the circumstances causes me to drink more and become more self-destructive. What has been frustrating about this is finding the words to express how it makes me feel. When I am able to talk about it, I find it doesn't lend itself to a solution.

Perhaps, there is no solution. After talking about this with a friend who seems to be going through the same situation, I've come to the understanding that I cannot allow these circumstances to tear me up to the point of self-destruction. My friend told me that I have to find some way to cope until things change. 

My brain nearly exploded when said that! One reason was because a different friend said the same thing to me, almost verbatim, the previous night as I fought back tears to tell him how I felt, and because that more I for a meme of Nina Simone said the same thing.

I understood that to be the voice of Nina traveling to heal me. Nina has been a major part of my last week. Out of the blue, another friend sent a pic of Nina and Redd Foxx to my phone. I found the pic striking, furthering the voice of Nina in my life!

All of these feelings I am having are things Nina touched on in her music. When I listen to her, I burn incense, sip tea, cry and let her music heal me. I often see people I introduced to Nina's music and am astounded by the number. Nina is a healer! I often find myself humming songs of hers I've never heard, then later find hidden on a greatest hits album or on YouTube.

I recently ran across a site that listed all the songs that Nina covered and who the original artists were. (Click HERE for the site.) I was amazed to find out that a great number of Nina's songs, including her first hit, which was a cover. 

Though at this moment I still feel lonesome, I will take the advice of my friends and my highly regarded ancestor and simply be more patient, and hope that the healthy, intimate companion I desire will manifest in my life. I am a good man. I am worthy of love. I am open. To that, I shall say, Ase.